Coming Together, Falling Apart

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

~ Pema Chödrön

I first heard these words a few years ago. I still remember the visceral feeling of relief. Things come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. And there's not a thing wrong with that! Phew! How wonderful to know that we don't have to run around trying to fix everything. That life will do it's thing. The pieces will fall from the sky, like the game of Tetris and it's not our job to work it all out. Life is a game of Tetris, not a game of Chess!

These words have come back to me this week, like a dear friend. It's been a week of extremes, my emotions running at an all-time high, from absolute joy, to gratitude, to dread, to anxiety, to dullness and everything in between. 

Once upon a time, I believed that if I could be 'the perfect yogi', meditate enough, do enough sun salutes, eat enough kale, and never be tempted by my willful mind, that one day I'd find 'total balance'. I really believed that my fluctuating emotions would go away, or at least soften. I believed I'd never struggle with my mind again and I'd reach a point of tranquility. To be honest, even though the calm sounded tempting, there was another part of me that thought it sounded boring as hell.

Now I realise that what my practice gifts to me, is not an escape from the rawness of life. And nor do I crave that. My practice teaches me to not hide from reality, no matter how uncomfortable. My practice teaches me to hold myself with unconditional kindness and pre-forgiveness, in the falling apart and the coming together, and the falling apart AGAIN. The emotions are still there, always! I'm simply getting better at allowing them to flow through my body. When I feel overwhelmed, I know to rest, or dance or shake, rather than give up, or drink wine (sometimes I still drink the wine FYI!).

So I ask YOU, what would life look like if you let go of the preconceived idea of how your life should be?
if you opened up to the mystery of life, instead of trying to micro-manage the universe?

How can you practice radical self-love in the coming together and the falling apart?

Open your mind. Question everything you think. Remember, a thought is only harmful unless you believe it. You are floating around in absolute space, attached by gravitiy to a burning rock, that just so happens to have the exact conditions for life to thrive.

Give thanks. Be grateful for all you have. Get outside and allow the heart of the trees to touch your heart. Trust. Let go. Everything you need is right here.