HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL?

It’s 5:00 am. Im sitting on the studio floor. Candles lit, heaters on. This is my sanctuary. I feel at home within these white walls, chatting with the vines that snake down from the ceiling. I always dreamt of having my own beautiful practice space, and now here she is. Only when I took a monumental leap of faith, a deep dive into the abyss, could this wild life of my dreams have space to unfurl. 

‘The life of my wildest dreams’. I used to think that meant ‘the easy life.’ No struggles, no hard work, no heartbreak. Lounging around on tropical islands, sipping on cocktails. Parties on yachts? I had no idea! I've never known what I want. But I am starting to get clear on how I want to feel. Abundant, Creative, In LOVE, Free.

So ‘my dream life’ is mostly hard work! And weirdly (or not) I love every crazy, challenging, confusing second. I spend my life perpetually confused.

What classes should I put on the timetable. Should I teach Ashtanga or Flow? Should all classes be heated? What do the people want?? A question that is bound to send anyone into a spiral of self-doubt.

Of course I've been asking the wrong questions. The right questions are ‘what do I want to do. What am I passionate about sharing. What lights me up?’ 

Time and time again I’m shown, when I trust that, everything flows. When I falter, doors close.

I realised I was making these decisions from a place of fear. Fear of not being liked. Fear of people not coming to class. Fear of failing. 

I may be perpetually confused but I know this for sure. Decisions made from a place of fear are not the way!

So here I am living my dream life. Falling over. Getting back up. Messing it up, shining my light, trusting the process, doubting myself, remembering again. 

Today I danced. I realised I hadn’t danced for over a week! No wonder I've been confused. I caught up with a friend. I swam in the ocean. I watched the dolphins. I worked hard, but today, instead of work I realised it’s all play.