Our inner seasons

Its Thursday. Jupiter Day.  I’m lying on my belly in the ant infested grass, my laptop balanced precariously under the shade of a Tamarillo tree. Raven loves it when I lay down and write. She rolls around next to me purring profusely, even though I have to keep pushing her lovingly away from the keyboard. She’s very affectionate and very hairy so everything, including my laptop, is covered in fur.

In Astrology, Jupiter rules the 9th House and the sign of Sagittarius (the sign we are in right now). The 9th house is all about travel, adventure, spiritual pursuits, the mystical and esoteric side of life. Thursday is a great day to do things a little differently.

A friend of mine says ‘Thursday is when the money comes in’  There’s a sense of abundance and prosperity linked to Thursdays. A perfect day to practice Kundalini yoga, especially Subagh Kriya. There’s a reason the Kundalini classes I teach in the studio are every Tuesday & Thursday mornings.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the days of the week from a planetary perspective. I’ve even decided to jiggle the timetable slightly to honour the energy of each day so from the first week in January you’ll see a couple of changes, including a hot & sweaty Progressive Flow class on Tuesdays (Mars Day) & a more specific, functional movement class on Saturdays (Saturn Day) to honour the productivity of Saturday.

To me, the days of the week are just another example of our cyclic nature. The overarching message is ‘we are not designed to feel the same/do the same/ live the same way every single day’.

I’m a woman. I have a menstrual cycle. Therefore I move through four distinct inner seasons. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.

My 28 day cycle reflects all seasons. If you’re new to this I’d highly recommend ‘Spinning Wheels’ app by Jane Hardwick Collins & the book ‘Wild Power’ as a starting point.

As Jane writes ‘A woman’s personal daily experience of her energy level and energy type as reflected in her physical, emotional and spiritual state is primarily determined by where she is in her menstrual cycle. Secondary (but not at all insignificant), influences are the moon phase, earth season and her life season.’

I started learning about my cycle as seasons a few years ago. I was first introduced to this concept of the Shamanic Medicine Wheel by my friend Kelly, then in depth over a year with Anki & Sara on Journey of the Wild Feminine.

My understanding and honouring of my cycle has changed everything.

Like so many girls, I started taking the contraceptive pill around 15 years old. I remember going to the doctor and being told, ‘if you’re sexually active you have to take the pill’. There was very little discussion and it seemed like the only option. Everyone was doing it. The side effects were briefly explained, but everyone said, it’s safe, it’s effective. Do it. So I did.

Those years of early adulthood were definitely challenging in many ways for many reasons. I cant say what effect the pill had on my mood - there were so many other factors at play, but I do know, I felt depressed and numb a lot of the time. I stayed on the pill for almost 10 years. I never questioned it.

When I was 25 I left England to go travelling. I took the green packets with me, but when they ran out I didn’t bother getting more. What was the point I thought, and where would I even get them in South East Asia. I’d left my then boyfriend behind in England with vague thoughts of long distance that fizzled after a few days. I wasn’t interested in having sex. My relationship with the pill was over.

Again, because of many factors I started feeling alive again. My world opened up. I was navigating my way through countries I’d never even heard of in a completely different hemisphere,  by myself. There was no one to answer to. Just me, my tiny backpack stuffed with clothes and an unlimited time frame. I didn’t even have a phone. Every now and then I’d sit in Internet cafes thick with cigarette smoke and open up Facebook. I’d get messages from my friends back in England. When are you coming home they’d say. In a few months I’d say. 3 months passed, then 6 months, then a year, then the messages stopped. Here I am 14 years later. The trip that bought me to the other side of the world. The trip that bought me home.

Had I not gone travelling I might have stayed on the pill. I might never have experienced the joy of falling in love with my cycle. I’m so grateful for every choice I’ve made, even the choices that seemed like terrible decisions at the time. Life has danced me here. Through connecting to my cycle, I started to fully love and accept myself, in all my seasons.

For years I wondered why I was so up and down. Sometimes I’d feel great. I’d be full of energy and inspiration. Life seemed to flow with an ease and grace that felt like divine intervention. I loved myself and everyone else. I would want to go to all the parties and wear beautiful clothes. Then the next week I’d feel heavy. My physical body would feel heavy and seem to swell. I’d need more sleep. I was drawn to napping in the day. I didn’t like looking in the mirror and would want to hide away.

There’s something wrong with me. I’d think. No one else seemed to feel this way. But of course they did, it just that no one talked about it. Before yoga came into my life, I only ever heard negative things. ‘Oh no, I’ve got my period. I hate this time of the month. It’s so inconvenient.’

Some of my friends would keep taking the hormone pill all year round and never take the sugar pills so they never bled. It’s easier that way they’d say.

I was stuck in a cycle of beating myself up when I felt tired and inward, and overdoing it when I felt energised and social. I also didn’t wake up to the fact that there was a rhythm here, a pattern. I wasn’t tracking anything, I was simply stumbling from one day to the next with little awareness for myself or anyone else.

I was missing the whole point. I was missing the beauty in all parts of the cycle. Yes even the bit I didn’t like. The thing is we’re so conditioned to want to be in Spring and Summer all the time. Our dominant culture is built around a 24 hour cycle (a man’s cycle). We’re expected to feel the same all the way through the month. We aren’t usually taught to honour our inner seasons. So it makes sense that we’d resist the Autumn (pre bleed) and Winter (bleeding). I was having a conversation at the gym the other day with a friend of mine. She was saying she had less energy than usual so I asked her where she was in her cycle. I said it’s natural to need more rest when you’re bleeding or about to. She said ‘but cant I just feel great all the time.’ And I honestly get it, but what I realise now is, if I dont rest in the autumn and winter, I’m not going to get the high of the Spring and Summer. And more than that, there is so much beauty in the bleeding time.

When we’re bleeding we are highly intuitive and tapped in to the mystical realms. That’s why in the ‘red tent’ days, women would gather together when they were bleeding. They wouldn’t be disturbed. They wouldn’t do their normal tasks but would sing and dream and vision together. After a few days they’d re-emerge and tell the rest of the tribe what do.

The winter of our lives also gets shut down. Youth is glorified. We’re conditioned to want to look young. Sometimes under the bright fluorescent lights of the studio bathrooms I see way more grey hairs than the week before. A part of my cringes. But another part embraces this new cycle. I felt like I was stuck in the ‘maiden’ ‘spring/summer’ phase for a long time. Not wanting to grow up. Not wanting any responsibility. Wanting to be the young, carefree, desirable one. I can see how that kept me trapped in patterns of behaviour that weren’t helpful. To me or anyone else.

When I was a little girl I loved roses. I had a little patch of the garden that was ‘mine’ and Mum would help me plant flowers. I always wanted pink roses. The rose is a great example of the cycles. Of course we see the rose bud and see its obvious beauty, freshness and potential. Then the rose comes into full bloom. Fragrant and velvety. Obviously beautiful. But I’m learning to see even more beauty in the browning petals. They’re more interesting in a way. The petals start to crinkle and fall. Then what’s left behind is the most potent part of all. The rosehip. Containing all the medicine.

When we honour the winter of our bleed, we honour the winter of our lives. We step fully into the next phase with grace, acceptance and a true sense of knowing our worth. It’s time we reclaimed this eldership and recognise and respect it in others. Times are changing. The wisdom is getting out there, slowly but surely. Critical mass is building. It’s an exciting time!

To wrap this up, I’m offering a little summary of the seasons, and practices I’d recommend (inspired by Anki, Sara & Jane ~ gratitude to all my teachers). This is meant to be taken lightly, always trust your own body and tune into your own intuition. If you feel totally energised in week 1, go for it!!

Day 1 is the first day of your bleed.

Week one (day 1-7) resembles the energy of Mid-Winter to Mid-Spring. Bleeding & Letting Go. The Death-Rebirth phase. This is a time to rest and retreat as much as you can. Now, personally I dont stop teaching or stop running my life in my bleeding phase, but I do as much as possible cut out the non-essential. I do my best to not book in social events during my bleed. I rest as much as I can. I make time for more meditative practices.

If you’re coming to the studio during your Winter, I’d recommend Yin, Kundalini (without the strong breath practices) & Gentle classes. You may also feel like staying home, and I would encourage you to honour that.

Week two is the Follicular Phase (day 8 - 14). Mid-Spring to Midsummer energy. Increasing physical, sexual and creative energy building towards ovulation. This is a time to harness the creative energy and express yourself. You may feel more social, your communication skills may feel heightened, you may feel a natural optimism.

This would be a time to practice a sweaty vinyasa class, like Soul Flow, Progressive Flow or Ashtanga. Pilates and deep core work are always wonderful at this time. You may also feel overwhelmed by the increased energy, so remembering to take rest is essential, in all phases of the cycle.

Week three is the Luteal Phase. Midsummer to Mid-Autumn energy (day 15 - 21). This is the harvest and the coming down from the high of ovulation. This is a time to celebrate your achievements and notice what needs to change. Sometimes this phase is associated with PMT which Jane calls ‘Pre-Moon Truths’. Basically we’re less likely to put up with things. Things we would normally let slide during ovulation start to make themselves known. If the same issues are coming up every Autumn this is a sign that something needs to be address. And a hot tip is to wait until you’re in Spring/Summer to have the hard conversations (not always possible!) but you’re more likely to be articulate and calm during this time.

This is a great time to clear space for the upcoming winter. Your practices may need a little more fire, for that completion or harvesting energy. You may be drawn to a practice like Foundations for its slow but strong approach. Notice your body need for increased rest and honour that. Flow to Let Go is a perfect Autumn practice.

Week four - the end of the Luteal phase, preparing for the bleed (day 22 - 28 approx, depending on your own cycle) . Mid Autumn to Mid Winter energy. The lessons from the cycle are available to be recognised as insights. A time to finish things, slow down, prepare to rest. Notice what’s coming up for you. Journal around any feelings of frustration. Can you give yourself the grace to slow down?

Week four lends itself to the slower, more introspective practices such as Yin, Restorative, Meditation, Yoga Nidra. Tune in. Trust your body.

If you dont have a menstrual cycle, notice how you feel in accordance to the moon. How do you feel the energy of the new moon and full moon?

I’m really curious to know how all this lands with you and I welcome anything you have to share.

With love, Clare