life dysmorphia vs appreciation

I watched this Jimmy Carr clip the other day. You might have seen it too. it’s been doing the rounds and for good reason. 

He’s talking about the importance of gratitude practice. If you’re eyes have already glazed over at the repetition of this word, stay with me.

The reason gratitude is talked about so much is because it works. 

I dont know about you but I find my life goes in spirals. Sometimes it feels like things are spiralling upwards. Yay! Lots of new students coming to class. Yay! Someone signed up for a membership. Yay! People have been enrolling in the next retreat. Yay! I’m getting on really well with my family. 

Other times it feels like life is spiralling downwards. Oh no! Lots of people are cancelling their membership. Oh no! I forgot that the washing machine wasn’t plugged in because we’re renovating and I flooded the laundry (yes I really did this two days ago, yes I really am that distracted!). Oh no! Classes are really quiet. Oh no! I’ve lost my keys. 

These minor ‘set-backs’ seem to happen in waves. Then the upward spiral begins again. 

I’m reminded of Pema Chodron’s words. ‘“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

And that’s exactly it. 

So, in the times when I feel like I’m in the trenches, when I feel frustrated and uninspired, when I get lost in scrolling when I want to be writing, when I waste time and energy worrying about the always uncertain future, when I’m harsh with myself and snap at my family, that’s when, if I can remember to stop, go outside and say out loud ‘I’m so grateful for my life’ there’s a little more space. A little more kindness. A deeper breath.  And isn’t that what all this practice is about? Finding more comfort and ease, even in the challenging times. 

Of course, the ‘challenges’ I’m talking about here are very minor and I understand deeply my own privilege. And this is what Jimmy Carr said so eloquently. We’ve heard of ‘body dysmorphia’, but what many of us are suffering from that is not talked about is ‘life dysmorphia.’ We’ve forgotten how incredibly privileged, comfortable, easeful and prosperous our lives are. 

When I first met Rod I saw someone at peace with themselves, comfortable in their own skin and at ease with the world. Rod has never meditated in his life. He comes to yoga classes sometimes ‘to stretch’. He’s never read a ‘self-development’ book (or any other book for that matter). He doesn’t have any sort of structured practice. What he does have is  a deep, ingrained gratitude for being alive. 

As we started to hang out more I noticed how appreciative he was about everything. I noticed how every interaction he had with others was positive. He was engaged. He smiled a lot. He really listened.  Even though he was busy he didn’t dismiss people or try to get away from conversations. 

I noticed how much he enjoyed food he loved, the sun on his skin, simply being here. I noticed how things didn’t phase him. I’ve still do this day, never seen him get frustrated or angry. I’ve never seen him blame himself or anyone else for anything. When these what I would call annoying things happen he says ‘it’s going to be fine. I’ll fix it. And if I dont know how to fix it, I’ll work it out.’

He talks often about the incredible chance of us being born here on this planet, the only planet where life thrives for as far as our own technology can reach. One day, very early on, he said, look outside. See this kangaroo shivering in the rain. We are here. We get to have a hot shower. If you’re a human, you have love in your life and you have a hot shower you’ve won the lottery ten times over. 

Appreciation is a practice. The more you do it, the more that appreciation muscle grows. Today when anything feels good, whether that’s the warm shower, the steaming tea with honey, the hug from a friend, cuddles with your dog, the light on the ocean, instead of rushing past it pause. Bathe in that emotion. Feel it. Let it seep into every cell. 

Life is incredible and there’s so much to be thankful for. 

Thank you for being here.