Sunrise in Reverse

I like to watch the sunrise in reverse.

I sit facing west. Feet folded into the creases of my hips so they don’t touch the icy sand. Behind me the ocean sings her guttural song. A constant rumble, waves forming, crashing, spitting and throwing themselves onto the shore. When the waves break they take the sand with them. The ocean turns to caramel. Salt and sand colliding in a fierce embrace before they part ways and the cycle begins again. 

As the sun rises behind the headland I hold my breath. The dark forest starts to glow. The trees are a mirror for the rising sun that is yet to be felt on my shivering skin. One by one they turn to gold. The greatest light show on Earth, and it happens here. Every single day. If this isn’t magic I don’t know what is.

When I turn to the East the ocean is still dark. Broulee is waking up. Black bodies with white boards running toward the ocean. The mist clings to the water, maybe these smoky tentacles know their time is up. When the sun climbs over the headland that’s it, they evaporate. Impermanence is here with every breath. Everything that has a beginning also has an end.

My mantra this week is ‘to seek to understand before you seek to be understood.’ I was introduced to this teaching by Adyashanti, but it comes from the prayer of St Francis which I vaguely remember singing in a cold school hall in England many moons ago. I didn’t realise it at the time but there’s a lot of wisdom in this prayer.

I’ve been navigating many different relationships and many different roles this week, in light of ‘owning a business’ and making decisions in these uncertain times. Some of my closest friends are also teachers here at the studio and dedicated students. Everyone is navigating these times in their own unique way. There are many different views and opinions, and many sets of values and contexts. Ultimately I pray that we can all celebrate each others differences whilst realising the truth and beauty of our interconnectedness.

There have been many challenges this week. This teaching, ‘Seek to understand before you seek to be understood’ has been very illuminating. Of course, to be understood is a great thing. We thrive on connection and belonging, and to be understood is very healing. However, if we get attached to ‘needing’ to be understood, this can lead to problems. If we have this idea that we ‘should always’ be understood, then of course we will suffer whenever we feel like this need isn’t being met.


We may start to believe the world is against us and no one understands us. If this is a core belief and we start repeating it to ourselves and others then the world will start to reflect this back to us. The cycle of suffering begins.  I’m endlessly grateful for the path of yoga, the path of freedom. The eternal question is ‘How do we free ourselves from our attachments, addictions and conditioning that keeps us stuck in old ways of being?’ The simple answer is awareness.

When I honestly and compassionately observe myself in relationship I see that behind most interactions there is a ‘hidden agenda’.  The need to be liked. I want people to agree with me. I want people to accept and like me. This is natural selection running in the background, trying to ‘keep me safe’, because 10,000 years ago if my community didn’t like me, I was dead. This natural selection conditioning is still here, but now I have a choice. I have a question to ask. Am I actually in danger? Of course the answer is no. So I’m able to observe my need to be liked and understood, have compassion for myself and then change the focus. I start to really listen to the other person and do my best to understand them. Which DOESN’T mean I have to agree with them, or change my view, or say something that I think will make them feel better. Quite the opposite. I’m able to stand here in my truth and make decisions from this embodied place of knowing, WHILST having understanding and compassion for them.

The next time you’re in a conversation I’d invite you to apply this teaching. Can I understand the other person before I understand myself?

As Ram Das says, ‘do you want to be right, or do you want to be free?’. I truly believe we can disagree and still love each other. If we can’t have differing opinions that is dangerous. I believe we can seek to understand each other, without having to agree. 

Behind all of it, we are all the same. We all want friendship, love and intimacy. We all want to avoid pain. We all want to feel belonging. My prayer is that we move past our differences, look into each others eyes, laugh together, plant flowers together and celebrate our humanness. Love our own neurosis and love each others. Forgive each other and forgive ourselves. This is how the world heals.