hold you head high and your heart higher
Hold your head high and your heart higher.
Yesterday I went for my citizenship test in a not very exotic place called Woden. Just before I left I thought ‘oh I better read the email’ and then spent the next half an hour looking for my passport, birth certificate and lots of other documents that I didn’t have. They even asked for proof of my very first entry to Australia and somehow I managed to find my old passport with a photo of 18 year old me, heavy make up and no eyebrows, every page filled with stamps from all over the world.
I once read this sweet little book called Outrageous Openness by Tosha Sliver. It’s filled with stories about surrendering life’s questions to an all knowing benevolent force that some people call God.
For years I thought the idea of God was some disapproving, interventionist old white man in the sky, judging us, taking the fun away from everything and hating on whole groups of people for their personal choices. I never believed in this god. I always had a severe aversion to it. It just didn’t seem right AT ALL. If God is meant to be loving, why is he telling people what to do. Control is the OPPOSITE of love.
I used to avoid this word like the plague. When I did my first yoga teacher training and people started talking about God I wanted to run out the door. I’d pick up a book that everyone had recommended, love it, agree with all the teachings, then the G word would be mentioned again and I’d dismiss the whole thing.
It took me a long time to make peace with God. It took me a long time to make peace with myself. because……. They are the SAME THING! If that word is difficult for you, you can replace it with Inner Knowing, Intuition, Consciousness, Great Mystery, Shakti, Life, Energy, whatever you like.
Anyway, one simple trick is when you’re looking for something, ask ‘God’ or consciousness to help. The prayer goes ‘Dear God, if it is in your will, please guide me to find my old passport’. And it works. Every. Single. Time.
I found my old passport being used as a bookmark. I ran downstairs and ask my landlords to sign a scribbled note to prove, yes I live here, yes I pay rent, yes I’m an outstanding wannabe citizen of Australia and Yes you should definitely let me live in here forever.
I didn’t have all the documents they were asking for but I said a prayer and hoped for the best. About half way to Canberra I remembered, ooooh there’s a test. I’m supposed to revise.
I had a strong memory of GCSE’s, the exams you sit in England at the end of high school. Most of my friends were freaking out. I call them from the phonebox (Yep I’m that old) they’d say, no I cant go out, I’m revising. I never saw the point of revising. But then I didn’t see the point of the exams either. I didn’t see the point of school full stop. I didn’t understand why I had to go and sit in these stuffy rooms listening to teachers who on the most part, clearly didn’t want to be there. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, but I was pretty sure it didn’t involve long division. ‘You won’t just be walking around with a calculator in your pocket when you’re out in the real world’ they’d say. Then the iPhone came out and no one used a calculator ever again.
When I arrived at the test building there were no free parking spots. Again, I asked God. Dear God, if it is in your will, please open a car park space’, and just like that, someone reversed out.
I arrived a little early and sat in a coffee shop reading about the Queen of England ruling the world and how Australia is all about ‘mateship’, ‘fair go’ and freedom of speech. Right.
There was a section on governance which I actually couldn’t read as it was so boring it made my brain hurt. After 10 minutes I gave up. I walked into the testing place within Centrelink building. I don’t know why these official kind of buildings are always so ugly. Why the strip lights? Why no plants? It wouldn’t take much to make them more beautiful, mood lighting, some candles, plants on shelves wrapped in little fairy lights, wooden floors and Moroccan rugs. Surely everyone working there would feel better. Anyway, who am I to judge.
I waited in line, a little nervously I must say. I prayed again. Please God let them ignore the fact I dont have all my documents. Please make the test easy.
They led me into a little room. A young guy who clearly didn’t want to be there unceremoniously passed me an iPad and told me to begin. There’s 20 questions, you have 45 minutes to complete. Can I see your driving license?
Then he left the room, leaving me there with my phone right next to me. That was it? I started the questions. The test took me about 2 minutes to complete
A few minutes later he came back, looked at the iPad, mumbled ‘congratulations’ and sent me on my way. That was it? I almost said ‘dont you need to see my documents’ but stopped myself. No one even asked to see my current passport, let alone my old one.
I thanked the universe and swanned out, on my way to becoming a citizen of this strange, beautiful country.
Apart from free parking spots and found passports, what have I gained from this relationship with God?
I no longer believe its up to me to figure everything out
I know that if something doesn’t work out the way I want it to, it wasn’t the right thing anyway
I know that my most powerful guide is myself
I know that this book, this training course, this teacher, whatever the next thing is, isn’t going to ‘save’ me or answer all my problems. Only I can do that.
I’ve learnt to give thanks every day. I call this prayer. I give thanks through lighting candles & incense, singing, creating beautiful altars in my home and out in nature. These simple rituals have added such a depth to my life.
I never feel lonely because I am never alone. I am deeply connected to everything and everyone.
I know, whatever happens there is never, ever, ever, ever anything to worry about. Only things to be considered.
I trust myself because I know myself.
Life feels way easier now that I know nothing is under control, we’re free falling through space, but the good news is, there is no ground to land on! YAY!
I’ve been using this same ocean analogy a lot recently.
It goes something like this.
Imagine yourself as the ocean. Imagine your mind as the surface, and your consciousness, awareness or ‘essence nature’ as the bottom of the ocean. Some days you look out at the ocean and all is calm. Some days (literally today in Broulee) the waves are wild. It’s the same with our mind. Some days the thoughts are quietER, some days the thoughts/emotions are wild.
Trying to stop thinking or control your mind is like trying to grab onto the waves. It’s impossible and a momentous waste of energy.
Instead, all you need to do is relax into your being. Let yourself sink to the bottom, to your deepest essence, to that place within you that is always still.
There, and only there can any insight or creativity arise.
Some people call this ‘voice’ intuition. Some people call it Spirit. Some people call it God.
The single most profound shift that has come from all my years of practicing and studying yoga has been to find God.
SAY WHAT???
I honestly never thought I’d write these words but it’s true! Before you throw your phone away in horror, let me explain.
My definition of GOD = The infinite, changeless energy or awareness that is there when I realise, I am not my thoughts, I am not my body, I am not my emotions. So what am I? I am that. I am consciousness. GOD is consciousness. God is you. God is me. What a trip!
For my whole life I struggled with this GOD word. I thought GOD had something to do with religion (to me they are not related).
I thought the idea of God was some disapproving, interventionist OLD WHITE MAN in the sky, judging us, taking the fun away from everything and hating on whole groups of people for their personal choices. I never believed in this god. I always had a severe aversion to it. It just didn’t seem right AT ALL. If God is meant to be loving, why is he telling people what to do. Control is the OPPOSITE of love.
For most of my life I avoided this word like the plague. When I did my first yoga teacher training and people started talking about God I wanted to run out the door. I’d pick up a book that everyone had recommended, love it, agree with all the teachings, then the G word would be mentioned again and I’d dismiss the whole thing.
It took me a long time to make peace with this word. It took me a long time to make peace with myself. because……. They are the SAME THING!
If that word is difficult for you, you can replace it with Inner Knowing, Intuition, Consciousness, Great Mystery, Shakti, Life, Energy, whatever you like.
Instead of focusing so much energy on the name, let’s focus on how we access this knowing within. Luckily we don’t have to figure that out ourselves.
Rewind several thousands of years ago. The Indus Valley dwellers in the jungles of India created ‘brahmavidya’ the ‘supreme science’, basically a systematic exploration of their own consciousness. Where other sciences studied the external world, ‘brahmavidya’ sought knowledge of an underlying reality which would inform all other studies and actives.
The findings of these ‘rishis’ (seers) can be summarised in three sentences which Aldous Huxley calls ‘The Perennial Philosophy’ because they appear in every age and civilisation.
There is an infinite changeless reality beneath the world of change
This same reality lies at the core of every human personality
The purpose of life is to discover this reality experientially; that is to realise God whilst here on Earth.uuu
These principles and the inner experiments for realising them were taught in forest academies called ashrams, a tradition which remains unbroken after some four thousand years’. This is YOGA.
What have I gained from this relationship with God?
I no longer believe its up to me to figure everything out
I know that if something doesn’t work out the way I want it to, it wasn’t the right thing anyway
I know that my most powerful guide is myself
I know that this book, this training course, this teacher, whatever the next thing is, isn’t going to ‘save’ me or answer all my problems. Only I can do that.
I’ve learnt to give thanks every day. I call this prayer. I give thanks through lighting candles & incense, singing, creating beautiful altars in my home and out in nature. These simple rituals have added such a depth to my life.
I never feel lonely because I am never alone. I am deeply connected to everything and everyone.
I know, whatever happens there is never, ever, ever, ever anything to worry about. Only things to be considered.
I trust myself because I know myself.
Life feels way easier now that I know nothing is under control, we’re free falling through space, but the good news is, there is no ground to land on! YAY!
I’ll leave you with another stroke of genius from Glennon:
“Rebellion is as much of a cage as obedience is. They both mean living in reaction to someone else’s way instead of forging your own. Freedom is not being for or against an ideal, but creating your own existence from scratch.”
I mean. This is EVERYTHING. I’ve definitely been in that ‘rebellion’ place. It doesn’t work, it doesn’t help anything.
Now I’m focusing on ‘forging my own way’. Literally creating the world I want to live in from the bottom up. This is how I run my business. This is how I create the sacred space of the studio. This is how I want to live my life. Not fighting someone else’s way. Gosh what a massive waste of energy!
I’m committed to creating spaces where people can connect to their own essence nature. I’m committed to creating a world with no hierarchy. I’m committed to living from my heart, always choosing actions, thoughts and words based in love rather than fear. I’m committed to not taking the easy way out.
I can’t wait to see you all soon.
All my love, Clare